Overnight ratings for the Republicans

The Republican candidates for President "debated" Thursday evening at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in California. In fact, it was more like a game show lightning round than a debate. Just about everything about the format was wrong. There were too many contestants (sorry, I just didn't see them as candidates). They were given too little time to answer (30 seconds). The questions were unimaginative and unchallenging. And unfairly distributed (throw softballs to some; keep throwing high and inside to McCain about Iraq). And some were just plain weird (asking the Mormon a question about Catholicism, for example).

Here, for those who missed the debate, is my condensed version. Not much of substance has been left out. Trust me.

• America's Mayor Giuliani, tell us how much you are like Ronald Reagan. ("Lots")
• Senator McCain, the public just hates Iraq. Why do you insist on dragging out the war? ("Grumble, grumble, gates of hell, grumble")
• Governor Romney, would you care to tell us how much you, too, are just like Reagan? ("Lots")
• President Bush, uh, I mean Senator McCain, back to you. How soon will you expand the war to Iran? ("Soon")
• Mayor Giuliani, same question. ("Reagan made the Iranians piss their pants in two seconds. Can I say again how much I'm like Reagan? Lots")
• Governor Romney, what kind of guy is Osama bin Laden. ("Bad")
• Mayor Giuliani, what kind of people are Christian conservatives? ("Good")
• Governor Romney, tell us about America's mountains and streams and how great the American people are. ("Great")
• Congressman Ron Paul, is the IRS bad? ("Yes")
• All of you, what do you think about abortion? ("Bad", "Bad", "Bad", "Bad, but it's a state matter", "Bad")
• Governor Romney, did you flip-flop? ("No, I changed my mind")
• Governor Thompson, Governor Huckabee, Congressman Tancredo, Congressman Hunter, Governor Gilmore, Senator Brownback, and any other potted plants I might have missed, I'm sorry but we don't have time for you. We will be giving you the home edition of MSNBC Presidential Debates for you to take with you tonight. Thanks for playing. We'll be back in a minute to talk to tonight's winner, former Senator Fred Thompson of Tennessee.